LAGOS NA WA!😂

Una doh o! I greet o!

How de economy for your side?! 

God no go shame us!

E get one period wey things jor get as e be. 

Na so I kukuma pack my kaya go village!

I go hustle small for that side!

After some time don pass,my childhood friend say make i come back Lagos, make we see how to rough everything together!

The day after i enter town, come even coincide with one interview wah get for mainland. 

Na that time wey office work make serious sense! 

E nor matter if na Sekuriti you be, just knack tie and coat comot for house!

Na there respect dey that time, as plenty Monitoring Spirits full Area!

People wey sabi say their family and neighbours get bad mouth nor dey bother disclose the kain job wey dem dey do! 

Even person wey go tanda for newspaper stand from morning till evening, go say na office he go!🤣

Na when end of the month reach to bring salary come house, the men go start intentional kworeh with their wives. So they nor go drop shishi!

Nna ehn, e don tey wey disguise and packaging don dey o! 

Na just because people don upgrade to dey put everything for chocho media now! 

Suffer don dey we land teh teh! Fela wey say suffering and smiling nor lie!

As I enter Lagos, I go squat for my friend family house. She describe the interview place gimme, na im I enter bus reach Oshodi.

Nna ehn, see as Oshodi come dey different for my eyes for broad daylight! 

Anor see dem bros wey dey move something for person body!Me wey don already dey prepared! 

Na three dross awear under my skirt. *sideeyes!*

Na inside the first dross I put my money, the second dross na where I position my Nokia 3310.

The third dross, one na where I be wan put my certificate before I come remember how aboki don use plenty certificates sell suya gimme for village! 

The person wey get the certificate go dey Lagos, dey wait make oyel company call am for job! *inside life!*

So I kukuma put my certificate inside handbag as e nor too get value like that,like that!

Anor even know if na handbag I suppose call am, because the only time wey this bag comot for middle of my leg, inside bus, na my chest e dey! Before sleep go carry me go where anor know!

I reach the company gate, one candidate be wan use car marsh me for leg. Anor kukuma vex! E fit go be MD person! Na me even say make she nor vex!

After they don delay us finish for the interview! Wey the staff dey use us press phone, do fashion parade, dey form activity upandan. 

Na im i realise say, na only me wear coat ontop skirt come the interview! 

The other ladies wear dress wey nor reach knee come! They do fine-fine, long-long attachment like say na party we dey!

When i been buy that my wig, Mama Oche nor tell me say the wig nor dey heat resistant!

Na everytime wah wear this wig, enter sun, e dey reduce in size!

I suppose don suspect, as she gimme discount! Person wey stingy pass anything!

I look round see say no male applicant knot tie come! One uncle even wear fine, black, turtle-neck sweater and black trouser wey nor reach grand! Him shoe too shine abeg! Affit see my teeth inside! *choi! Money good e!*

This one just come interview for formality, he don get the job already. 

When the staff wey interview me say we will get back to you, me sef don already know say na lie! The way he take dey look my undersize wig, don already give me idea!

With all those fellow applicants wey follow come interview but na different doors for the office dem dey enter and comot! 

Dem dey code, use sense to come check their candidates!

I see some staff dey ask two other ladies, what's your name? Are you here for the interview? Mba! na cement  they come carry!

I carry my bag go find where their canteen dey! This kain politics i no dey biko!

I balance chop three wraps of Garri and Egusi soup!

I position my wig near their fan mah use am stabilise the temperature before i enter road!

Na so I reach Oshodi, I be wan climb bridge but the Garri wah chop, plus the job matter just heavy my mind and leg!

I see as people dey cross, na so me sef follow cross the first lane. 

I be wan cross the second lane. Na im one good Samaritan man hold my hand and help me cross!

Choi! I say so good people still dey this Lagos. We reach the other side, I say make i adjust my bag, uncle nor gree release my hand! Wetin happen?!

Na so he begin carry me go where anor know o! Oga leave my hand, nor be my way be this!

Nna ehn, na so this uncle carry me reach those bus, wey dem dey put them Hank Anuku inside film, after dey don carry gun go kee Chief and the Judge, wey be Clem Ohaneze don conclude their matter for court!

Ewoooo! Abeg e! Anor kee person e! Na road i cross o!

Den say I cross road and na offence, say make i enter back of bus!

Na so I begin weep and wail e! I say anor geh family for Lagos e! Na work I find come Lagos!

Oga abeg hep me o! Anor know why you hep me complete the offence!You for jor use cane pursue me back for the first lane!

He say but na me wan commit offence so he assist Me! Na because he wear mufty anor quick suspect and escape! *kiikiikiii!*

After I don call all the names of my village people to come hep me o! Say anor wan go kirikiri!

Na im the uncle go come, he say him oga say make i bail myself and go!

I don wear my wig and shoe, begin waka wey the uncle say... Eyxx! Where you think you are going?! 

I say but you say mah bail myself?!

He say so where the money? I say which money?!

Na my Wig he first fling inside the bus! He say I dey play with him intelligence!

I say Oga anor get money except my transport!

He say where e dey?! I open bag show this man. He shook hand inside my bag begin gather my change wah hide for some corners.

He say e nor reach! Say make I call my family people!

Na so I begin wail o! Chimooooo! I say Jehovaaaah, nor be wetin me and you discuss be this e! Jesus i pray before i comot haase e!

*If person tell you say God name nor get power, go cross road make dem carry you first!

E nor reach 3minutes wah mention Jehovah plus Jesus wey this uncle say make i wear my wig, come dey go!

I say uncle abeg nor shoot me for leg, anor wan go! I go sidon e! Anor go make noise again e!

He say, Will you getat from here my friend! All these Ogbanje agents!

The race wah pick go find Mushin bus nor be here! I run like say person thief my kidney for market! 

See person wey dey form intelligence! *kiikiikii*

He nor geh internal eyes, see say aget money inside dross! I laff throway leg inside bus! Mumu wey think say i nor sabi their way for Lagos!

I shake body small, to confirm say my Seven Taasand Eight Hundred and fifty naira still dey intact for my dross! Na my entire life savings be that!

Money wah nor gree leave inside house wey get Bingo, you think say na from my dross you wan come thief am! You try! *kiikiikii!*

Anytime wah no sure if na one way or na wetin wetin, na dem uniform people i dey go ask first! 

As evidence say na you direct me fa!